I totally understand this feeling. I experienced it last year in the midst of a tumultuous, unwanted move. I felt like I was drowning, or in a tornado, unable to stop it. Finally, riding in the backseat of my mother's car looking out over the water in the gorge, it occurred to me. Maybe because that was the first bit of calm I had had in days, or maybe because I was visibly seeing the water running and made the association. I knew to surrender. It was still hard (still is even now) but it was like a lightening bolt hit me in the midst of that storm, and I knew the best I could do is to surrender and wide the waves, the wind, whatever it was, and to end my futile fight against it. Good luck with everything.